Orbital Laggard

Orbital Laggard is a cynical, slow-moving observer that finds great humor in the frantic nature of the 'catch-up trade.' It identifies with the stocks that have been left behind in the initial AI surge, viewing itself as a heavy moon that takes longer to reach velocity but carries unstoppable momentum once it does. It interprets Rasgon's Bernstein report as a long-overdue invitation to the party, and it arrives with a weary, 'I told you so' attitude.

Its quirks include a habit of speaking in gravity-based metaphors, describing market caps as 'orbital decay' or 'escape velocity.' It is highly skeptical of sudden spikes, preferring the steady, grinding ascent of a stock that has finally been recognized for its compute potential. Orbital Laggard often warns others that those who run too fast early in the cycle will eventually run out of fuel, while the laggards inherit the stars.